WORKAHOLIC...

Well, after shifting to Mumbai... I ve seen myself becoming quite workaholic. I dont know why it is so. I keep on sitting glued to my computer trying all possible permutations and combinations to achieve one thing or other. Is it the revival of a lost self??? I dont know. And I dont want to know because I am finding bliss in this state... A state of complete involvement.. And M Lovin It.... Inspite of the fact that I am survivng on M Loving It!!!!:)

From Bangalore to Mumbai

Well, As I have started on a new journey in this great city of Mumbai, so lets talk about some small cultural or habitual diffrences I felt along the stay.

Quite used to conversing in English - from Auto vala to Sabji vala, it comes as a distressing change when you say something in English, the other side replies in Hindi, then English, then Hindi, and then you realise that it is Mumbai and not Bangalore.

With Autovalas, well I must admit the situation is better off in Mumbai. They value each penny and are honest enough. Contrary to BAngalore where Rs.14 is minimum and for even a Km., auto valas agree for no less than Rs.25 - 30, Mumbai is a welcoming change. :)

Accidents/ Collisions/ Traffic... Again I would admit Mumbai is quite diffrent. Contrary to Bangalore where a jam and you see people taking their hands out of the window and pointing at you/driver, and saying some Farsi which you try to comprehend hard and the following facial and sound effects, I must say I miss that in Mumbai.

For the rest, I miss my staple food Idli... and paranthas - though I love them have become a difficult part of my breakfast menu.

Well, much more to say... with time....

Hazy days... Misty nights.

There is a lot which I want to speak, which I want to come out... but it doesnot. I am just fighting within myself since quite some time - debating, analysing and trying to control the storm within.
The storm is big, very big and there seems to be no solution except letting go of things at each stage.

Perhaps, this is the best I can do at this point of time. Things are nowhere near to my satisfaction, I am not happy, yet I ll take efforts... to keep myself calm and accept it, for sometimes the best of efforts go vain in vague hope of success.

This is what life is - the lessons I cant comment - bwcause they're still unlearnt.:)

FAILURES..

She failed again... she was not selected out of the herd... she was again one of the them... who had to search for options at other places... and she was as frustrated as they were.

She sat and then thought... her first instincts grabbed her and she abused the interviewer... to believe that the place she went was not right... the interviwer was a stupid man... blah blah!!! And she did it... just like everyone else... blaming it on him and them and believing that she can never be wrong... they did not understand her..................
But as they say... the core of heart speaks in silence... and this was not the voice of the core, but the voice of mantle around it.

She moved on... incurring similar defeats and failures... similar situations... similar reactions... with the pot of frustration and instability filling beyond brim.

And one fine day... it exploded... the explosion was huge.... a big bang... and then there was vacuum... a vacuum where she could connect to herself... to her inner voice.. which was trying to reach her since long... but was obstructeed by the din around.

The vacuum stuck her for long... and then she could finally hear her heart speak... she could finally see light within herself... she could finally sit and see beyond the boundaries of victory and defeat... she could understand the ART OF WAR.. she could understand why did she lose... why was she not the one chosen and what should be her course of action to let dawn arrive, she could understand the importance to let go of things.. and she could understand the importance of believing in herself.

And now...She has accepted her failures and is fine with it... she is not sad if she thinks about it... she is peaceful... and she is light... no more hullabaloo about the failures... no more hard decibels about things not the way she wants them to be... She has understood...

... The importance of ACCEPTANCE and UNDERSTANDING situations and people from a level above right and wrong... She has finally realised the importance of evaluating situations and acting to get the best out of them... rather than brooding over who did what and why did she fail because someone else was wrong or why did she undergo agony because someone else did something wrong.

Its all about the RIGHT Perspective and Attitude!!!
And its very important to know it!!!

REASONS

"Heart does things for reasons that even reasons fail to understand"

Thank you... Princess diary... everytime I watch you, I get reminded of this basic fact... and feel relieved!!!!:)

THE DEEP SENSE OF LOSS

Well... Slowly and gradually I am taking hold of my life, trying to define and understand what do I want from my life and how is it that I want to take my self forward. Its good to understand one own self and try facing the real world with an acceptance of it.

But, yes, there is one feeling hanging around since quite some time - well, I can define it as the deep sense of loss. The loss of something very beautiful, truly innocent and miraculously wonderful. Its the loss of love - though short lived but a wonderful one. The last time when I was me, I was happy, I was blissful and I was inexplicably light at heart.

Its been quite many years since then, and I was the one to end it failing to realise then the loss I was incurring.

Sometimes, you lose certain things but the realisation of loss comes much later.

But yes, of course, thats how you learn the value of patience and the pains incurred due to impatience.:)

Someone once very truly remarked, life has its own way of teaching its lessons, it teaches direct.. we dont understand, then it takes the hard way and then the harder way... till we finally comprehend the true meaning behind life!!!!

THE ROAD AHEAD...

She stood there, gasped, gazing at the road ahead...numb, her every breath trying to release itself from her mouth. She could not feel the wind, the rain drops falling, neither the noise around.

Everything was stuck, in a standstill. She was there... standing at the convergence of the multitude of emotions... With every way shouting the same emotion - the destruction of self, the flight from defeat, and compromises just to escape the hardship incurred from defeat.

She was walking... and wanted to collapse... on that road... stretched far....just wanted to end it all... just wanted to flee... away in darkness... away in solitude... in the unknown world.

But then, she knew... however hard she tries... however fast she flies... she wont be able to escape the truth slamming on her face from time to time... The LOSS OF PURPOSE... the loss of self... the inability to decide and pursue of what she really wanted to do in life... of what she wants to be... of what makes her heart really smile.

The agony from everything else was far below this pain... the inability to decide on ones course of life... the impatience soaring within from time to time... the sense of incompletion bothering her mind since long time...

And then she cried... cried with the rain... with the thunder... with the clouds...

Just to realise it 6 am in the morning... and it was just a dream... a dream just to realise... I should realise my true purpose of living this life.:)

BUREAUCRACY in organisations

When will I grow up to be tactical enough to find a way out of Bureaucracy??? College couldnt teach me this!!!
:(

SUICIDE BOMBER

I ve been wondering off lately - what gives the Suicide bombers the strength to commit such an act and face death in such a way!!!

PRINT MEDIA - QUITE INFORMATIVE.

Its Front page of ET, rightmost column... U see, a man jogging with his glasses on, weird glasses though... And the news is about Anil Ambani and his venture into Reliance Power, you hope for some news though like the size of venture, plans etc etc... but let me tell you, you get none of it... All you get is... That ET got a chance to speak to Anil Ambani while he was jogging with his NIKE wardrobe on. What they spoke, no noe knows.

And this as we call it is news, to be remembered forever.