REASONS

"Heart does things for reasons that even reasons fail to understand"

Thank you... Princess diary... everytime I watch you, I get reminded of this basic fact... and feel relieved!!!!:)

THE DEEP SENSE OF LOSS

Well... Slowly and gradually I am taking hold of my life, trying to define and understand what do I want from my life and how is it that I want to take my self forward. Its good to understand one own self and try facing the real world with an acceptance of it.

But, yes, there is one feeling hanging around since quite some time - well, I can define it as the deep sense of loss. The loss of something very beautiful, truly innocent and miraculously wonderful. Its the loss of love - though short lived but a wonderful one. The last time when I was me, I was happy, I was blissful and I was inexplicably light at heart.

Its been quite many years since then, and I was the one to end it failing to realise then the loss I was incurring.

Sometimes, you lose certain things but the realisation of loss comes much later.

But yes, of course, thats how you learn the value of patience and the pains incurred due to impatience.:)

Someone once very truly remarked, life has its own way of teaching its lessons, it teaches direct.. we dont understand, then it takes the hard way and then the harder way... till we finally comprehend the true meaning behind life!!!!

THE ROAD AHEAD...

She stood there, gasped, gazing at the road ahead...numb, her every breath trying to release itself from her mouth. She could not feel the wind, the rain drops falling, neither the noise around.

Everything was stuck, in a standstill. She was there... standing at the convergence of the multitude of emotions... With every way shouting the same emotion - the destruction of self, the flight from defeat, and compromises just to escape the hardship incurred from defeat.

She was walking... and wanted to collapse... on that road... stretched far....just wanted to end it all... just wanted to flee... away in darkness... away in solitude... in the unknown world.

But then, she knew... however hard she tries... however fast she flies... she wont be able to escape the truth slamming on her face from time to time... The LOSS OF PURPOSE... the loss of self... the inability to decide and pursue of what she really wanted to do in life... of what she wants to be... of what makes her heart really smile.

The agony from everything else was far below this pain... the inability to decide on ones course of life... the impatience soaring within from time to time... the sense of incompletion bothering her mind since long time...

And then she cried... cried with the rain... with the thunder... with the clouds...

Just to realise it 6 am in the morning... and it was just a dream... a dream just to realise... I should realise my true purpose of living this life.:)